A Nigerian lady, Tanko Lami, has recalled how church members slut-shamed her over her choice of dressing and accused her of trying to corrupt the minds of their children.
According to Lami, she was in a dark place mentally and psychologically hence needed a church that held the values of community and family with its members.
“Exactly one year today since I posted this picture and that makes it exactly one year since I stepped my feet into any church at all. Looking at this picture brings back memories of hurtful words I heard that day, I am just glad that it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to many months before now,” she wrote in a Facebook post on Tuesday, May 21.
I was in a bad place in life, mentally, in short, psychologically, I was at a dark place and all I needed was human love and acceptance. Not in any environment, because I could have gotten it with friends and business-work relationships.
I needed something different but couldn’t explain it, so I was learning again to go back to church after leaving for some years. But like I always say, I needed a church that holds the values of community and family with its members.
I found one. My local church. I started getting familiar and truly, it was like I found a home. It is still a home though.
But on this day, it was a special occasion, normal me that would wear big trousers and just tie wrapper on it because as an endowed lady, almost everything I wear in such an environment looks inappropriate. But after several complaints about how I don’t appear to church like a beautiful well to do lady that I am, I always appear homeless and tacky…I decided to spear some monies and get myself some dresses.
This was one of them. You needed to see the joy on my face the day I wore this. I was expecting an applause that finally ooh, I’ve worn something decent and clean and church like.
But guess what? I heard woooorrrddddsssss like swords that day. Kai!
“You keep embarrassing us with your dressing. What do you want people to say about us”
Ah!!! Ouch ouch!!!
“How is this dress decent to you? For goodness sakes!! This is too short and our children are watching. You want to corrupt their minds…”
Ah!! Okay!! That was it!!
I was broken to shreds and completely disconnected that I couldn’t survive 30mins in church.
Those words kept ringing in my head and I started fighting back tears.
“Keep embarrassing us” I kept imagining how many times they’ve felt embarrassed by me.
“You want to corrupt our children” aaah!!! Is this still about this particular dress Abi?
And remember I was already not in a good place psychologically… I kept thinking and feeling like a mess all over again. I walked out of the church and got home, I cried to sleep that I continued crying in my dream.
I have never felt so much rejection in my life. That was the last place I had the hope of healing from whatever was doing me.
But before then, I had taken these pictures with the dress. So I just posted them on Facebook again just to mark that day.
Today I looked at it. All I can say is… “It is well” “God never rejects his own, no matter how dirty it is. #thereisaplaceforwisdom. Thank God for healing, too.
