A 60-year-old Nigerian woman, Doyinsola A Ilori, has shared some of her realizations about men and relationships after her divorce.
According to Ms Doyinnsola, looking back now, she has come to realise that no man solely belongs to a woman, and that men are selfish and often prioritize their personal happiness over family and children.
She recalled the year she decided to leave her marriage due to constant disputes and infidelity but had to jettison the plans and instead stayed in a loveless relationship for the sake of her children.
However, when her husband decided to leave their marriage, he did so without considering how the decision would affect their family.
According to her, she told him to consider how the divorce would affect their children.
He simply told their children that his joy is more important than them and walked away.
She said;
“After my divorce, I came to accept some krazi things concerning relationships, men and all. No man is exclusively any woman’s. Hear me out. I don’t say this strictly in terms of marriages and affairs. I say it based on what I have learned about men. Majorly, they are selfish. Most men think of the self first. What satiates him. What he wants. And that’s it,” she wrote.
Very rarely does the man think about how his action or decision will affect the family, that is, his wife and children. If you have a man who puts you and the children first, glaringly worship the ground he walks on please.
Years before my ex finally left, we were just too much at loggerheads. I saw clearly he found joy frolicking, and didn’t understand why I was not enough.
So decided I was going to leave him. I called my very young children then and told them my decision. The two girls bust into tears, they didn’t want me to. I was so moved by their reaction that day, that I jettisoned my plans. And decided to be in the loveless relationship to keep them sane.
You know the funny thing, I don’t recollect this story, the girls reminded me. They actually apologized for keeping me in the situation, because they said, if they knew he’d eventually make himself priority over everyone, they’d have let me go ahead then.
When he decided to leave, even when I told him to think about the effect on the children, he told them, his joy mattered the more, and he left.
When any woman accepts this simple fact, that the man is temporarily mine, maybe when he is with me, or in me, and worry less about when he is not, and find joy in other things, just maybe we’d will be able to keep our sanity in better check. I’m at that point now. Even though feminists will likely tag me, low esteemed woman.
When a woman thinks he’s mine, only mine, all mine, I have to be his aàyò forever, the average wondering man will give such a woman high blood pressure.
This is where a supposed more mature mother helps to stabilize her child in matrimony, irrespective of the mans age. Her experience comes to play to guide and guard her daughter selflessly in her union.
Every time any woman have involved me in their frustrations in matrimony and have towed the line mapped out for them, they have come back to give testimonials. (Please do not ask to spill on me for advice or anything, these things I do FOC, people collect money for on this same app. I’m not asking to be paid, I just don’t want to be bothered. I have enough on my plate.)
Don’t think you can change anyone in matrimony. No one changes afterwards. If the indices don’t look right during courtship, call the wedding off if you’ve picked a date. A canceled wedding is better than a bad marriage.
