Nollywood actress and film producer Mary Remmy Njoku has challenged the widespread notion that women naturally choose independence, stressing that what many call independence is often shaped by life’s realities rather than personal desire.
Taking to Instagram, the ROK Studios founder noted that no one truly wants to face life alone. Instead, people learn to stand on their own when they cannot rely on consistent support from others.
She explained that women are frequently branded as independent or overly self-reliant without acknowledging the circumstances that pushed them into that role. According to Njoku, independence is usually developed when reliability is missing, and the strength many women display is born out of necessity, not choice.
She added that when people show up consistently and prove they can be trusted, there is little reason for anyone to choose isolation, as dependable support naturally fosters connection and trust.
In her words, Mary Njoku wrote:
“There’s really no such thing as an independent woman. Independence is not a preference; it’s usually a response. No human truly wants to do life alone. We become independent when we don’t have Dependable people around us.”
“So before labeling a woman as “independent” or “overly self-sufficient,” it’s worth asking why. Are you DEPENDABLE? Because when someone shows up CONSISTENTLY, nobody chooses isolation. Indepence is learned in the absence of reliability. She is strong because she has to be. Be dependable. And watch her strength soften into trust.”
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Read some comments below:
@drealmiztee:”Can I say there is a difference between independence and hyper independence. I believe what your are describing is hyper independence which is usually a response to trauma. Please being independent is a good thing.”
@lilianpahar:”Last night, I was told I don’t ask for help and that I need to learn that no one is an island. No matter how hard I tried to explain that I wasn’t born like that, I just learned to carry on because I never got help when I needed it, they insisted I was just proud.”
@annesanaekwe:”Wisdom too much. Nobody was actually born independent or wants to be independent but what will you do if you have no one to depend on? Become independent and own it with your full chest.”
@seunfunmi_johnson:”This is why I hate hearing the you’re a strong woman cliche. I’m not a strong woman anything! This is what life has thrown at me & I have no choice but to stand up & run else!!! I’ll cave in.”
@salmathier:”There is another side to the coin. Some women were raised by loving Fathers who taught them to be independent women. These women grow understanding how damaging Co-decency can be even in marriages.”
